Do you have a second home? How about a favorite getaway. Sure I love the beach and watching my kids snowboard/snow ski but the memories I have made in Nicaragua were life changers! I remember the first time my husband went without me. I was scared to death! Back then over a decade ago they didn’t have video chat or even a phone at the mission that could reach the US. He had to go to an internet cafe and use the phone or email and I had to be home at just the right time to catch him. There was some political unrest going on and it’s one of the poorest countries next to Costa Rica and Haiti so of course I was a little concerned. I knew he was in GREAT hands though. Not only the Father above but also our dear friends Donna and Benny Baker. I trust them with my life and have each time I travel to Nicaragua.
What I found in Nicaragua was my inspiration. Yes, you see poverty and people working hard to overcome their life circumstances but for me that was just service as usual. I didn’t know how it would translate to my life back in the states. You know the feeling right? You go on a mission trip do great work VBS them up so to speak and come back to a completely normal life. Now there are those of you who come back changed forever. Okay most of us all come back changed but what do we really do in our everyday life once we return other than share the amazing stories we saw while there. I know some have simplified their life, some have become donors to the organization, some decide that its going to be there family vacation every year…well for me I found an answer to a question I had been trying to answer for years.
I met a woman who started a sewing ministry there and the two of us swapped battle wounds of the heart. I remember asking her how can the pain of my past be greater than the joy of my present state of happiness?? I just didn’t see why I kept focusing on the negative and rehashing the pain in my heart over and over. It was like torture each day trying to hide my emotions and lie to myself that I am over it and have forgiven myself and my offenders. What I learned after that conversation is that I had to come back and do something different in my life. Isn’t the definition of insanity doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results?? If it is I was completely nutso!! I made a promise to her that I was going to find a way for us to do something together even after I returned back to my comfy cozy bed!
Upon returning home I began asking the Lord to show me a way I could make a different with what I learned in Nicaragua. That pain is universal and we are all carrying burdens alike. What he told me next was a show stopper. Write it down. Share your story. Tell it to the world. Those exact words in my journal frightened me and still do a little even as I type this. What does that look like Lord? Who am I? My story isn’t as bad as the ones I’ve heard. My story is controversial and embarrassing and I would out a few people I love in my life if I do share it. How can I honor them and tell the truth at the same time if the truth hurts?
It took me 4 years and lots of procrastinating to finally write Muddy Little Secrets but what I did do just 6 months after returning was host a Reclaimed Event at my church. We are old fashion Church of Christ and up till that point our church did share much of nothing unless you were sick. So, I was bound and determined to at least start with the people I know would still love me if I confess my deep dark sins to the world, my church family. Remind you I have gone to church with these ladies for over a decade and most knew a little but none knew the WHOLE truth! So, since I didn’t want to be the main course of the event I enlisted a few other friends who have stories of pain as well. They poured their hearts out into that microphone. They touched lives that will never be the same and we created common ground that day in the fellowship hall of a little church in Grapevine, TX.
It was a beautiful day of free luncheon for the ladies, lots of volunteers helping with this and that. We had 120 ladies in attendance and it was the first time my father, step mother and aunt had ever heard the real truth as well. I couldn’t sleep the night before wondering who was going to be judging me the next day but you know what. God’s peace truly did surpass all understanding at once I decided to share and BE REAL I didn’t care who thought what. I was there to obey my God and to confess with my mouth so my heart could be cleansed! I tell you what I slept like a baby that night knowing all my skeletons were out for all to see. I got closer to a lot of ladies who loved on me afterwards and told me I was courageous for sharing. What really happened was I released the strongholds in my life and every woman that confessed that day as well and prayed together trampled the enemies plan for our lives…we walked in victims but walked out victors!! It was so liberating to finally be free from the sin of holding onto our sin. I dare you to walk in freedom. You just may find it’s the best decision you ever made. 
